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I keep thinking about posting and then I forget because I am forgetful like that.

Life is...I don't know, it's okay, I guess. Personal life is good but crazy and sometimes a little bit rough. Work is awful. School is on break at the moment, so that's okay.

I wish...I had more to say that was productive, but things are just a little haywire. My stepdad's health isn't so great, which is scary as hell. My grandmother's up for Christmas, which is awesome. My brother and his wife moved to Pennsylvania which is pretty awful. I live in their house now, which is awesome. My dad moved to New Hampshire, which is just weird for me in general. Aaron and I don't even talk anymore, which is kind of sad, considering we'd been friends for like 5 to 6 years prior to ever dating. The last email I sent him said that I was sorry things turned out the way they did between us (i.e. us not being friends anymore), and he wrote back that he didn't know what I was talking about because he's still my friend. I'm sorry, but if you don't talk to me, you're not my friend. And I don't mean...those of you with whom I don't talk frequently. That's different. I mean...someone who used to talk to me every day simply deciding that radio silence is the best option and blocking all potential forms of communication. That's not a friendly act, and it's a little bit sad, really.

My medications are working, I guess, at least a little bit. Not fully, I don't think, because...I just don't seem to be able to deal with a lot all at once. Or maybe it's just that everything's been so stressful for so long that I finally hit a point where it's hard to be optimistic and happy.

And it's not that there aren't things I'm happy with; there definitely are. Things with Jacob are pretty awesome, albeit sometimes confusing/scary/difficult. I love where I live now; I'm glad I don't have neighbors above or right next to me. I love my car. I'm glad my grandmother's visiting, and I know I'm a fairly lucky/fortunate individual. I just have a hard time getting over being stressed out and feeling like the good things will disappear on me, and realizing that a lot of what I have came at a cost I wasn't...ready for, I guess.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Dec. 21st, 2009 02:56 am (UTC)
i can relate to a lot of that...can't really offer anything useful, but i can relate...
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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